photo by Micah Sittig
Up until 6 years ago, I had a vague understanding of what it meant to be Catholic. I was raised in a Catholic family, which meant we attended Mass on most Sundays, prayed occasionally, mostly in time of struggle and went to confession once or twice a year (Lent and Advent). We were truly following the minimum precepts of the Catholic faith. This attitude and indifference continued into my marriage, leaving Christ at the altar on our wedding day.
Believing we had to be responsible parents, we chose to use contraceptives. After the birth of two healthy boys, we decided to take a more permanent step to avoid having children, and my husband had a vasectomy. What we did not realize is that the choice we had was to follow God’s plan for marriage and family or to let sin into our marriage.
When we allowed sin into our marriage, our intimacy was hindered. At the time we didn’t know why things were going wrong, we just knew something wasn’t right. Our arguments became focused on how often and who initiates. I was feeling like an object for his pleasure, and he was feeling rejected. As a result, we grew distant and other parts of our marriage were affected to.
One thing we did understand about being in a Catholic marriage is that divorce was not an option. When our marriage got really bad, we turned to the Church in arrogance. If the church says we have to stick it through then they must have the answers on how to deal with this.
I joined a church group for women and began to learn about God’s plan for marriage and family. I felt like my eyes had been opened. My husband joined a group for men and was enjoying the friendships he was building with strong Catholic men. I learned that God designed marriage for the good of man and woman and for the healthy future of society. God created the world and all the creatures in it. But he gave human beings a special dignity, knowledge, intellect and natural law. He loves us so much; he shares his creative powers with his creation. So that out of our love for each other, in the marital embrace we too, can create new life; we do the physical act and God implants the soul. It’s beautiful, how could we not want to be a part of this creation? I realized God’s plan was in line with our human nature, and that it was about love and trust. The conjugal act always has to be in balance that its purpose is for openness to life and unity. When we use contraception we take away the openness to life, which respects our full human nature, all because we want the focus to be solely on unity and enjoyment. Being able to create life is a precious gift, yet we want squander it, trample on it, for the sake of physical enjoyment.
Looking back I can see the consequences of our choices. Those consequences were both spiritual and physical. Spiritually, we had taken God out of the equation. By using contraception we were saying to God, “I believe in you, but I don’t trust you to know what is best for our family.” We paid a hefty price for this choice, unnecessary struggles in our marriage, unhealthy relationships and harmful habits that went against our marriage vow and disrespected our own dignity as human beings.
When my husband went in for a vasectomy, it took something away from our marriage bond, we were incomplete. Thanks to our reversion, he has since reversed the vasectomy. We have been open to life for three years now, and we have continued to learn so much through the Marguerite Bourgeoys Clinic. We had a naturally good working reproductive system; we had 3 pregnancies, (one miscarriage, caused by the pill) and 2 beautiful boys. We tampered with our human nature, and now it’s not so perfect.
We are overjoyed and blessed to be welcoming new life into our family. We have been are praying to accept God’s will for us, since we placed this aspect of our marriage back in God’s hands, where it should have been all along. Now our marriage has improved 10 fold, and we are being showered with God’s graces. We have a new found hope and joy in our suffering. We usually share our story with engaged couples through marriage preparation classes we run in our parish and have been invited to share it at other events for couples. Our hope is that more couples will learn and embrace the beauty of the church teaching on marriage and family.
Tima can be found writing at Living Water.
Related posts:
- Young Marriage
- Are you an authentic Catholic?
- Resource for Catholic Families
- Striving for Catholic Unity during Lent
- Listening for Inspiration: My Favorite Catholic Podcasts
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I wish all Catholic couples would come to the realizations you have come to!
Great post.
Great Post!!!! I always feel like I am lagging a bit, and lately it is with confession. I haven’t been since October! GAH!
Beautifully written, thanks for sharing!
Elizabeth recently posted..7 Quick Takes Friday
Wow – this is a beautiful post! Many people don’t understand mine & my husband’s decision to not use contraceptives, but this post so eloquently states exactly what we’ve come to learn. Thank you for these great words in defense & support of our respect for life and God’s gift of sexuality!
Teagan recently posted..Have I Ever Told You that I Love Camels?
Praise God! I believe that openness to life in marriage will form vocations, both lay and religious to help the Church in the future. If you’re not willing to give God your entire life and family as a married Catholic, then how could expect God to have any draw with your children who are discerning the religious life? We are meant to be open, and sometimes that means God’s yes. And sometimes that means God’s no. Both can be painful. Both can bear fruit.
What a tremendous witness this post is! Thanks for sharing!!
Patty in CT recently posted.."I Stand with Indiana"
Thank you so much for your supportive words. I am so touched and humbled by your comments. God bless you all.
Tima recently posted..Abstinence Education Works
Wow what a great post! I wish more people would realize the damage that artificial contraception does to couples!! Thanks for writing this.
)
Thank you for this post! My husband and I have definitely been through some really rough spots, but are on the *up* side and things are getting better daily. I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago, because of health reasons (Dr advised once we were done having kids to do so). We made the decision not to have more children after our son with was diagnosed with autism at 25 months old (I was 40 and hubby was 42). About a year ago, we began to feel that we have conquered our son’s disability, and began to regret our decision. Unfortunately, there’s no un-doing that. So we are now on a journey to add to our family through foster and adoption. We have had our first new son with us for a month now and are so looking forward to many, many more children coming into our family.
Hello Tima
This was a transparent and courageous post full of truth. I pray that by your willingness to share, others can come to the truths you have without having to do it the hard way. Being open to life is contradictory to everything the world teaches, but it is what we are called to do by God. To trust Him in all things, even with our own lives. It isn’t easy to do, but He gives us the strength to do it. If you have the time you can read my own story here http://shinebrightlyforjesus.blogspot.com/2011/04/surrendering-completely-to-god.html
God bless you and may He continue to give you courage to speak out His truths.
{ 1 trackback }