Advice columnist Carolyn Hax thinks so.  Last year she said as much in a response to a question from someone who couldn’t imagine what kept mothers so busy all day long. On the other hand, last year Dr. Phil had a guest who said that mothers actually had a lot more free time on their hands than they realized or admitted.

As a mother, I tend to gravitate more toward Carolyn Hax’ perspective.  To me, it’s pretty obvious that mothers are busy. I don’t think that every mother automatically qualifies as one of the busiest people on the planet.  I don’t think that motherhood is automatically an excuse to avoid returning phone calls (something that was mentioned in Carolyn Hax’ exchange);  my experience has been that people who aren’t great about returning phone calls have that tendency throughout the various seasons in their lives, both before and after becoming parents.  But in general, while some mothers are busier than others, I feel that any mother who takes her vocation seriously will inevitably be busy.

Motherhood is a 24-hour/day role.  Because motherhood is both a role and a job (I consider it to be a profession without a salary), it isn’t always easy to qualify exactly how many hours mothers actually spend working over the course of a day or a week.  Hence the opposing interpretations of the busyness of mothers from those on the outside looking in.

I only have one child.  He is beyond the all-consuming newborn phase, he never went through the terrible twos, and he’s a good napper.  I only work outside the home 15 hours/week.  I am probably less busy than the average mother.  However, having an only child does require me to put forth more effort for things like providing social opportunities for my son.  Also, because my son is adopted and had a less than ideal prenatal experience, I invest above-average time and effort in providing developmental stimulation for him.

I definitely have more free time than I did when my son was a baby and I was working fulltime outside the home.  But the line between the work I do as a mother vs. my leisure time is blurry. My son is the light of my life, so my idea of recreation (at least a big chunk of it) is to spend time with him.  When I’m playing with him, I’m also taking care of him.  So is it work, or is it play?  Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the difference.

Similarly, arranging playdates for my son is an important function of my job as mother.  Yet these playdates also provide socialization for me.  Again, the line between work and play is often elusive.

Even when I’m surfing the web, the line remains hard to define.  At least half the time that I’m on the computer, I’m either researching resources for my son or networking with other mothers.  I enjoy this time, yet in addition to its entertainment value, it also helps me to improve in my role as mother (as long as my time online isn’t excessive).

Mothers with more children, or mothers with fulltime jobs outside the home in addition to their fulltime job of motherhood are busier than I am, and their busy-ness is hopefully more visible to those who might be inclined to speculate about how busy mothers really are.  We’ve all heard of mothers who spend too much time texting and watching TV rather than interacting with their kids.  But even mothers whose priorities are somewhat out of balance are still going to have their hands full if they have two or more children under the age of 5 (unless they have a lot of outside help).

The bottom line is that as mothers, it’s pointless and futile to worry about how outsiders perceive our busy-ness. I personally don’t qualify as one of the busiest people on the planet, but there are plenty of mothers who do.  Wherever we fall on the spectrum, if we’re making our vocation a priority and striving to engage our children appropriately, then we’re doing our jobs and we’re busy right where and when we need to be.  We don’t need to qualify this to ourselves or anyone else.

Claire is a regular writer at Catholic Mothers Online.

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