Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh. Genesis 2:24. This is a photograph from my own wedding album.

This year marks our 20th wedding anniversary. When we were married, I was 24, and my husband was 27 years old. I think we waited too long. We dated for five years. We both knew we wanted to marry, but our reasons for waiting were pressed upon us.

My husband was advised to wait until I graduated college, and was established in my career. That was silly because when I started working I hated it, and deep down, I was unfulfilled. He had been working in the job he would hold for over 22 years. When we did get married we wanted to start a family. So, why did we wait? It was the thing to do.

Now, twenty years later, we have six children. I was blessed, until recently, to be a housewife and stay-at-home mother. I loved every second of it. I was willing to make the sacrifices of material goods to be able to live on one income with a large family. Once we recover from the period of unemployment we’ve just come through, I will work even fewer hours.

We should be closer to our silver anniversary; we’ve been together 25 years. When you meet your soul mate, you know it. Not everyone falls in love at first sight; sometimes a love takes time to grow, but once you know there is no reason to wait.

Historically, people married young. My parents were married at 20 and 19. My grandparents had to sign for them to marry, and they were not old enough to drink the toast at their wedding! They had a great marriage and a great love. I work at a nursing home, and my favorite conversations with the residents are about their marriages, how long they are/were married, and how old they were when they got married. Most of them were teenagers who had marriages that lasted well past their golden anniversary!

Marriage need not be an age-defined institution. It should be determined by maturity and love. When married young, you grow together as a couple, in a bond that is unselfish. Waiting breeds the “me” whereas marriage is a “we,” and history proves that young people create lasting bonds. Of course there are exceptions, but as Catholics, we do not believe in divorce. (There are reasons recognized by the Church, where two should separate and divorce, but they are grave, and not the purpose of this article.) Our society encourages the selfish “me” and I think it contributes to the divorce rate. We have developed adolescence into an art form, nurtured and extended it into the time when everyone graduates from college. One only needs to look at the Facebook pages of college students to see what they have learned about relationships, and why marriages fail today.

If young people want to marry, then parents should step in there and provide a buffer between the young couple and all the naysayers. Parents should support and even encourage young people to marry. They can have fun together as a married couple, but also with the responsibilities, accountability, trials, and joys of marriage. This is how we bring family values back into the society. When expected to act like adults, and to selflessly put the well-being of another first, we grow into contributing members of society.

Marriage is such a sacred and beautiful blessing. The sacrament grants the married couple the wisdom and strength to grow and forbear through the trials of life. I encourage all of you to consider, over the years, what constitutes readiness for marriage, and to make a study of The Sacrament of Marriage. You will benefit yourself and your children. There are many graces given through this sacrament, and we should be able to identify these graces and use these gifts as God intended.

As you watch your children grow, encourage vocations. Whether their choice is a religious vocation or a married vocation, consider trusting their instincts about when they are ready to move on, even if they are ready at 18 years of age. Prepare them for their adult vocations. Teach them to put self last rather than first. Teach them to take care of themselves, their possessions, their home, each other. Give them roots and wings; teach them how to fly. Do not fear their making a wrong decision because they are too young to know what they want. When they are raised with God at the center, and strong family values, they will live them. Through our efforts, through the sacramental marriages we enjoy as Catholics, we can make a difference in the future of our society. We can send forth good Christian soldiers who will build solid marriages and continue the Traditions of our beautiful faith.

..Happy is the husband of a good wife; the number of his days will be doubled. A loyal wife rejoices her husband, and he will complete his years in peace. A good wife is a great blessing; she will be granted among the blessings of the man who fears the Lord. Whether rich or poor, his heart is glad, and at all times his face is cheerful… Sirach 26:1-4

Lily and her husband live in the beautiful Berkshire Mountains with their six children. They have four girls and two boys who range in age from 7 to 18 years.

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