Having children has multiplied many areas of my life, but my contemplative time is not one of them. In my life before marriage and children, I had managed to inject my schedule with the blessed disciplines of daily Mass attendance and semi-regular confession, I had joined a women’s Bible study and had 1-2 spiritual reads rotating regularly on my nightstand.
Sad to say, all of this, along with most of the rest of my daily schedule, radically changed after the birth of my children. After spending several Masses out in the hall with a screaming infant and succumbing to the unpredictable schedule of baby naptime, I fell out of my daily Mass pattern and no longer could attend Bible study. My spiritual reading laid untouched for months on my nightstand, only to ultimately get replaced by pacifiers and blankets for late night feedings. I hadn’t given up on my prayer life, but I rarely got further than the ‘Our Father’ before drifting off to sleep if given a moment to close my eyes.
It took longer than I would like to admit, but after roughly 24 months, I finally realized how far I had drifted from my pre-motherhood routine, and I realized how much worse off I was for it. After all, motherhood, for all its extraordinary blessings and gifts, can be a tremendously challenging pursuit. I realized that at the exact time when little souls needed me to be at my spiritual best, I was stuck in spiritual stagnation. A complete reversion to my previous schedule was too much to undertake at the time (for various reasons), but I was determined to find a way to re-inject my life with spiritual growth, reflection and contemplation.
It was at that point that I sought out spiritual direction. Have you ever pursued it? It goes by many names: discipleship, spiritual advising, spiritual direction. And many people can offer it: a priest or confessor, deacon, older couple from church, a sister or religious or another women with experience and spiritual wisdom to share. It can take many forms: regular or semi-regular meetings, discussions, Bible study, advising, listening, praying, and often a combination.
In my case, I sought out regular meetings with a trusted friend, more experienced than me in years, marriage, family and richly rooted in the Faith. We met monthly, not to replace Mass or confession or spiritual reading, but to discuss my life and its challenges, to pray, and consider ways that I could address my sins and shortcomings and grow in my walk with God.
The difference in my life was small at first, but beautiful and noticeable nonetheless. Over time, the difference blossomed and continues to pay dividends. The accountability gives me the extra strength I needed to pray or read on days that I am tired, and the prayer and advising helped me overcome bad habits that may develop in my parenting.
If you are looking for a way to both grow in your faith and in your vocation as a mother, in a way that is flexible, practical and intimate, seeking out spiritual direction is a great way to start. May God bless us all in our growth as Catholics and Mothers.
Queen B is pursuing God, permanently united to the man of her dreams, parenting two, and preparing to graduate medical school. She can be found at Happily Ever Johnson. She was confirmed into the Catholic Church on Easter 2005.
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beautiful post! Isn’t it ironic that when we need a prayer life most- we can’t have it as moms to young ones- this is when praying at the kitchen sink happens!